toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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