If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
