omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
