He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
