I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
