i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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