You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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