Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
