I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
