i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
