Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
