either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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