I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
