Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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