you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
