You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
