You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
