woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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