i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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