I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize