So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
