I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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