she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you told grandpa to call you daddy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
