dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
