Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
