Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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