She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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