Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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