Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
