She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
