Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
