had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
