Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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