Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
