We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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