If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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