Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
