he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
