I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize