Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
