We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
