I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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