On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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