Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
