I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
