when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
