So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
