She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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