i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
