Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize