Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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