it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
