i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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