So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
