He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
