I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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