my phone needs a breathalizer
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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