I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
