Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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