We won't sleep together?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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