Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
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Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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