And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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