Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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