Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
