I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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