True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
time to smoke my breakfast
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
